Stupid Rehab . . . . .

Arnold Schwarzegger & Anthony Weinerschnitzel - - recent admits to Stupid Rehab.  Need I say more?

More Slice of Mid-Life - Baby weight is child's play . . .

I'm not done talking about my middle age midsection!  We all complained about how hard it was to lose the "baby weight" but I think we are missing out on another phenomenom.  How 'bout toddler weight, school age weight, and now pre-teen/teen weight? When my kids were toddlers, my new year's resolution one year was to stop eating food off the floor.  These were the years of goldfish, french fries, animal crackers, etc. . . . . all innocently dropped from those cute chubby fingers and expertly snatched up by my pudgy little fingers and voila - no more dirty floor. Add at least 5 pounds.  


Then comes school age and the start of school lunches, after school snacks, soccer snacks, snack packs, snack bars, and so much birthday cake!!! Basically lunch started at breakfast and ended at bedtime.  Crusts of sandwiches, leftover chips, 1/2 eaten cookies, ice cream cones with dribbles of ice cream in them, a few spoonfuls of mac and cheese here, a few forkfuls of mashed potatoes there and WOW, looky here, another 5 pounds, at least.


And here we are in the tween/teen years and BOY, can these kids eat!!  All the time!!  So much food!!  All the time!!  So many hormones!!  While their metabolisms rev up, mine has slowed down and I think recently sputtered out altogether.  This, combined with worry about cyber space, dances, homework, getting into high school, bullying, puberty, aging parents, wrinkles, college funds, etc. . . . makes me very hungry and thirsty!!  Add 5 pounds of food weight, 5 pounds of wine weight, with a extra big helping of a slowing metabolism and guess what . . . . losing that baby weight seems like children's play.  

Slice of Mid-Life

UGH.  In the MIDst of dressing the other day, I noticed (not for the first time, but for the first time since I've started this blog) a protrusion around my MIDsection. These days the MIDriff has some cute names:  muffin top, etc. . . which aren't that cute when trying to squeeze into or out of clothes. All of this has made me ponder all the MID in my life.  I'm from the MIDwest, MIDway between the coasts.  I am not the MIDdle child - but my sister is.  My kids are in MIDdle school, in their MID trimester, and don't like to go to bed before MIDnight and don't like to get up til MIDday.  I'm firmly entrenched in MIDdle age, the supposed MIDpoint of my life. I drive a MIDsize car, often down the MIDdle of the road. And to top it off,  I now buy MIDrise jeans - not too low (refer to aforementioned mega muffin top) and not too high (can't breath or belt).  Come to think of it, I haven't belted in more than a decade.  And to that astonishing revelation, I throw up my MIDdle finger.

Chicken in a Biskit?

I cannot believe this cracker with this name has a Wikipedia page!  I also can’t believe this cracker with this name made it to market and people have been buying it, for years!  For all of us who pine away thinking of fabulous names for products, listen up.  IT DOESN’T MATTER!  If the product is good, and people like it, they will buy it.  The words don’t even have to be spelled correctly!  In my extensive research on this product (I am SO busy), I learned it was part of an entire product line of "In a Biskit" crackers invented in Australia in 1968.  We might consider ourselves lucky that Chicken in a Biskit was the only one to make it over here - - - Vegemite in a Biskit is also available for export.  I don't think that would fly here, but I do think Bacon in a Biskit would have a fighting chance.  More on cult foods in a later blog . . . . 

What is your favorite cracker?  And what other products can you think of that have crazy names?

Stupid Rehab

Thank you for sharing this expression with me, Leslie!  At lunch one day, we were talking celebrity gossip (it’s better than gossip about people we know, right??) and all the celebs heading to and heading back to their various rehabs:  drug, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, eating, etc . . .  By no means am I bashing rehab.  But, Leslie and her co-workers think there needs to be a new kind of rehab called "Stupid Rehab" for all those people that do obviously (to most of us anyway) stupid things.  You know them: sleeping around with 23 different woman while married to a former model with two cute kids?  Stupid Rehab!  Storm the stage at the VMA awards and dis the winner in front of millions of viewers?  Stupid Rehab!  Tell people you are hiking the Appalachian Trail and head to South America to visit your mistress - when you are married, have 4 kids, and are serving in a public office?  Stupid Rehab!


The ultimate candidates for Stupid Rehab are the winners of the Darwin Awards.  What are the Darwin Awards?  You must visit www.darwinawards.com or buy/download the books.  They make great gifts for people who like to laugh.  From the website:  "The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...These individuals carry out disastrous plans that any average pre-teen knows are the result of a really bad idea. The single-minded purpose and self-sacrifice of the winners, and the spectacular means by which they snuff themselves, make them candidates for the honor of winning a Darwin Award."

The winners would make great candidates for Stupid Rehab, but because the main requisite of winning the Darwin Award is that the nominee died in the process, these Darwin Award winners are exempt from Stupid Rehab, by reason of . . .  stupidity.

Who do you think needs to go to Stupid Rehab?  I'd love to hear your stories.

Cheap Thrills

In this day and age, whether it be these money crunched days or this less than thrilling stage of middle age, we can all use a Cheap Thrill.  Here is a list of my current favs:

• new hangers
• new potholders
• new sponges (esp. magic erasers)
• unsubscribe to email box clogging messages
• clean your car - shopvac, rags, buckets, toothpics, qtips, go for it!
• organize your pencil drawer, or any drawer for that matter
• a good nap
• new running shoes - not so cheap, but really thrilling

What are your favorite Cheap Thrills?

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

There are non-Holiday times throughout the year when this ol time Christmas favorite sings true, and this is another one of those times.  What time is that?  Girl Scout Cookie time.   I must admit I was just settling in for a long winter's night sleep when Peter peeked his head into our bedroom and told me our adorable Girl Scout Neighbor, Addie, was at the door with our Girl Scout Cookies.  I haven't bounded out of bed this fast since forever.  I, miracle of all miracles, found my checkbook immediately, threw a figure on it, snatched the case away from adorable Addie in her badge covered Girl Scout smock, and went to work.  


Do you have a Girl Scout neighbor?  If not, I suggest you move until you find yourself living next door to one.  And by the way, are the thin mints smaller than they used to be???  Is that why I had to eat twice as many??  And yes, Mom, I have put a box of thin mints in our safety deposit box so it will be intact for me to bring to Florida in April.  You'll be proud that I didn't put them in the mail - saving money on postage.